This
week as I conducted my normal routine I found myself noticing microaggressions
everywhere. One that sticks out most
from the week was a comment made by a coworker.
One of the ladies I work closely with is about twenty six and recently
has been talking about going back to get her master’s degree. Another colleague walked in the other day and
said, “So, are you going to get your Master’s?” She said, “No. I decided to not
do it right now because I want to stay home when I have children.” At this time he started to say things that seemed
were gender bias. He would ask why are woman
so set on staying home. Then, he said, “It
must be nice to stay at home.” This comment really made me feel like he viewed
being home as a negative thing. I then
felt compelled to give reasons why this is an important time in a child’s life.
I felt myself getting very upset with
him for not understanding the benefits of having a mother be with her child
during those early years of life. I also
realized I have learned to deal with microaggression by trying to laugh things
off. I had then said to him in a joking
way, “I will be calling your girlfriend and giving her advice.” I guess humor is a way to cope rather than
anger, nevertheless I hope to find a way to talk about these microaggressions
in a way that can be positive for everyone involved in the conversation.
Tisha:
ReplyDeleteVery nice post and very dear to my heart! I could actually put myself in those shoes of being a stay at home provider. I worked outside of my home briefly when my children were young but I found that no one could raise my children like I could. Over 20 years ago I started a group home day care and I must say it was the best choice as far as employment goes I could have made. Not only did I earn my Bachelors but I also was able to see my children grow up, I was able to attend their extra curricula activities and I was also able to plan just how I wanted my Day Care facility to be once I opened it (which took place March 12, 2013). I don't think everyone understands the importance of being there when you child takes his first step, or says coo coo, or even cries. Some take it for granted someone else is suppose to raise your child. I'm thankful for the opportunity I had especially being a single parent. You must remember....we must keep our cool though!
Roslyn
Isn't it interesting the way some people view motherhood and child rearing as a "pass time" like all we are doing is watching soaps and eating bon bons. It seems to be the common perception but if you have a career and take your children to day care you are an inadequate mother as well. Makes me wonder just what a mother is really supposed to do?
ReplyDeleteTisha,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your blog this week. You have given us an excellent example of gender microagression. I think in today's society, there has been a shift for one parent to stay at home with very young children, which could be either the mother or the father. I have also heard of grandparents who care for infants. I am sure this is based on the research that has been made public on the importance of attachment theory and brain research. I think, though that your co-worker's comment was a common reaction several decades ago with the misperception that staying at home with a baby is something that "must be nice." It was great that you were able to advocate for your friend in a way that was non-threatening. It was probably the best way to respond in the moment. Hopefully, he walked away and thought more about the conversation.
Sadly that is something that some men just do not understand. I often find myself trying to preach to those that do not see how valuable that time is with the child. those fist few years are very crucial as the brain does most of it growing during this time and the most can learned.
ReplyDelete